Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
You Jokes
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.
Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.
Are you a mirror, because I see myself in you?
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
What do you call a Mexican that has lost his car?
Carlos!
What did the knife say to the other knife?
"Knife to meet you."
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
What do you call vampire Matt Damon?
Bat Damon!
What do you call dogs dressed as dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark!
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it goo!
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrel-elephant ;)
Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.
Hi 👋 I love you!
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
