You jokes
Did you know that water is wet?
What did the 9/11 survivor say when he went back to his family? "You won't believe it! The Twin Towers became conjoined twins when it happened!"
How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your sister pussy taste funny
What do you call a U.S. border hopper?
A Mexican jumping bean.
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
What do you call the inside of the ISS toilet?
Cosmic Brownies.
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
What do you call a white person from Africa?
Albino.
What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.
Why are disabled people screwed?
Because you can't run or hide!
Have you been to that paraplegic strip club? It's crawling with pussy!
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
When you reconstruct Michael Jackson and Lil Nas X to wreak havoc on preschool.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
Why shouldn’t you call people in China?
Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.