You jokes
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?
Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)
What do you call a male robot who wants to be a girl?
A trans-former.
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
Memes
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
What do you call a cat that walks slowly?
CATerpillar
What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?
"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."
What do you call it when two Mexicans fight?
Juan on Juan.
What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?
"Why not you stand up for yourself?"
Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
Are you the Lusitania 'cause I wanna fire a torpedo into you?
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...
What do you call California during a forest fire?
Completely normal.
Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.
*You're a real best Gwen*
Are you a plane? Because I wanna be in control of you for a few hours.
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"