Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
You Jokes
Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!
So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.
What do you call a band made of cheese?
Grate That!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin you, that is who.
What did Yoda say to Luke during his wedding ceremony?
"May divorce be with you."
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.
Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face...
Say what you want about Hitler, but in the end, he did kill Hitler.
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll let it go!
What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh!
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.
One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:
Police: "What’s you name?"
Shut Up: "Shut Up."
Police: "Where's your manners?!"
Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant.
