You jokes
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still wet.
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!
What do you call an octopus with a hat?
An octopus with a hat, of course.
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
Q: Why didn’t Santa eat the milk and cookies you set out for him?
A: He doesn’t exist, you childish sh**!
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?
He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
What's bigger than Kurt Cobain's head?
What do you mean? He doesn't have one.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
Cheater, cheater, woman beater!
What’s something you can say at a Christian summer camp and during a blind date?
"Good Lord, this is fun!"
What do you call a lesbian pirate?
Red Beard.
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
How do you torture an autistic dude? Start a staring contest.
Your mama is so fat, the photo I took of her last Christmas is still printing.
How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?
Tell them a joke to make them smile.
What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?
A pillow fight.