You jokes

You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.

What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"

How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

What do you call an emo with curly hair?

Sam Reid.

You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A baboom.

You know, 9/11 jokes aren't funny, they're just PLANE wrong!

What do you call a group of emos?

The Suicide Squad.

I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.

Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

How do you make an orphan's hand bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?

Panera sped.

What kills you?

Suicide.

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.

Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.

Teacher: Why are you late!

Girl: I need my beauty sleep.

Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"

Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"