A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bar tender says "Hey Jim!"
A drunk walks into and says, "All lawyers are a$$holes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an a$$hole!"
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."
Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
Guy walks into a bar. Sees a hot girl. Walks up to her and says "your getting laid tonight" She replies "what are you some sort of psychic" He says "No i'm just stronger than you".
A Roman walks into a bar
He holds up two fingers and says "give me five beers."
Indian guy and American guy in a wheelchair met in a Bar for drinks. American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk. Indian guy got drunk and walked away.
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says "we've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says "seriously? Why would you name a drink named Callum?"
A man walks into a bar and say I'm feeling depressed what do you have to cheer me up? The bartender replied: a shotgun
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells who the fuck fucked my wife. The bartender answers "Mate you ain't got enough bullets."
The Barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says “what’s the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks? “ The man says “it’s not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place.”
A block of gold walked into a bar, the bartender said ‘AU, get out!”
A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says "A beer please! and one for the road!"
A nucleus walked into a bar, he asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
An Irish guy walks out of a bar....
“Poor old fool,” thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink. The gentleman asked, “So how many have you caught today?
”The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
What’s the name of the band in the gay bar?
A: Beers for Queers
