You jokes

Say what you want about Hitler, but in the end, he did kill Hitler.

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.

Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'll let it go!

What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh!

Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!

There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.

One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:

Police: "What’s you name?"

Shut Up: "Shut Up."

Police: "Where's your manners?!"

Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!

What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant.

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.

Are you a mirror, because I see myself in you?

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?

Morgz.

What did one skeleton say to the other?

Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"

Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)

Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."

Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"

Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"

How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?

You shove them on!