You jokes
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
Memes
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa?
Do you love me?
No, Papa.
#### you!
What do you call a one-legged Asian?
Tie Won Shoo.
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...
Luckily for you, mirrors can't talk, and luckily for you, they can't laugh either.
What do you call a fish without eyes?
A fsh.
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
Q: What do you call a gang of emos?
A: Suicide Squad.
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?
It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.
What do you call a dwarf skating on ice?
A midget spinner.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Oh, you wanna die? I wanna die too!