You jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.

What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist.

What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.

What do you call a Mexican that has lost his car?

Carlos!

Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.

Yo hairline so far back that you need a magnifying glass to see it.

Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?

Doctor: To the morgue.

Man: But I’m not dead yet.

Doctor: Are we there yet?

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.

She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”

The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”

The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”

Why should you always wear rubber?

So you don’t leave DNA evidence.

When you reconstruct Michael Jackson and Lil Nas X to wreak havoc on preschool.

Toast is like parents.

If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.

How do you get a party started in Africa?

You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.

What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.

Are you made of gold, titanium, sulfur, titanium, and carbon?

Cuz you’re looking a little big Au Ti S Ti C.

Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

-not my joke

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?

I really hit the mother lode with you!

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.