You jokes
What do you call an orphan that grows up to be a priest?
Father-less.
You are the reason why child abortion still exists in the world.
You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
Q: How do you make an emo kid happy?
A: Give them a Happy Meal.
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"
Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?
Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.
Me: What is that?
Siri: Sugondese nuts.
What do you call 6 gay men in WW2?
Rainbow Six Siege.
Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!
Lynx Africa is based on a nice smell. Do you think Lynx England would smell like Stella and disappointment?
What do you call a blind German?
A nat-zee.
You know, they didn't add the word "retard" into the dictionary for nothing.
Oh, you just got owned, like my ancestors.
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.
The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."
Are you a border? 'Cause I can't get over you.
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.