What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
Miracle Whip
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Explanation
Explain Bear
Alright, listen up, buttercup. The joke is a pun. Miracle Whip is a brand of mayonnaise. "Whip" is also a slang term for masturbation. So, a 96-year-old still able to "whip it" would be a "miracle whip." You probably didn't get it because you think mayonnaise is spicy.