You Jokes

Do you want to hear a joke about the blunt pencil? Never mind, it's pointless.

Have you heard the latest pun about pizza?

Never mind. It’s too cheesy!

Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?

Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?

What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?

A seizure salad.

If you thought an inner-city black boy cannot transform into a deranged pale Karen... well, just look at Michael Jackson.

if you get this you are a legend

The image is a two-panel meme. The upper panel shows a portrait of Romain Grosjean, a Formula 1 driver, with the text 'SO ROMAIN GROSJEAN IS GONNA BE A FATHER'. The lower panel features the 'Asian guy laughing' meme with the text 'MUST BE AN ACCIDENT'.

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?

The Parkland kids.

How do you get a clown off your swing?

You shoot it.

You. You're a joke.

What kind of jeans do you wear to church?

Holy jeans!

Fell Sans: Welp, you're BONED!

Fell Papyrus: DAMN YOU SANS!!!

I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

If a physically handicapped gay white male is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall, and if you are a gay white male that is well-endowed that is not physically handicapped, and if you want the physically handicapped gay white male who is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall to suck your dick, what do you do to convince him to suck your dick if you have a hard on and your horny as hell?

Put $25.00 under the handicapped stall before you put your dick under the handicapped stall.

Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.