You jokes
Have you ever walked in to Stephen Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
Why are a gun and a bag of chips alike?
You pull them out at school and everyone wants to be your friend.
On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"
Why don't you use a dull pencil?
Because there's no point. 😐😑😑
"You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?"
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What do you call an autistic My Little Pony?
Twilight Special.
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Lay on the bed, So I can fuck you.
Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?
Because you can't see in the dark.
Q: What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
A: Alien vs. Predator.
1+1 answer 2 said all the kids, but 1 kid said 5. Then I said your mom feels embarrassed because everyday you look into the mirror, you see how empty your brain is.
Teacher: Why did you throw paper airplanes at the twin sisters?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
What’s the difference between rape and marriage?
With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a lil' boogie in it ;)
"Knock knock?"
"Mustache."
"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.