You jokes
Who is Joe?
You reply back: Who is Candice?
They reply back: Who is Candice?
You say: "Candice nuts fit into Joe Mama's mouth."
When you think about it, Hitler wasn’t a bad person. He killed Hitler.
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?
In America, you find Waldo.
In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds you.
Welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make 'em, we take 'em!
Memes
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.
Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:
I thought Soap could trust you. And so did I too. So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Redundant.
Are you a train? Because I want you to run over me. :)
Did you hear about the dead artist?
Too many strokes.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?
You octoply, obviously.
What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!