You jokes
Being bullied by an artist? Want them to leave you alone?
www.VincentVanGoghAway.com
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
"Knock knock?"
"Mustache."
"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Two of the worst jokes ever.
Why are a gun and a bag of chips alike?
You pull them out at school and everyone wants to be your friend.
What do you call security outside a Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
Did you hear the one about the deaf person?
Me: No.
That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
Have you ever walked in to Stephen Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
What do you call an orphan fish?
Self-ish.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the first knock knock joke?
He won the No Bell Prize!
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a lil' boogie in it ;)
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.
Teacher: Why did you throw paper airplanes at the twin sisters?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"
You know Hitler loves you when he comes up to you on Valentine's Day and he says, "Will you be my Valenein?"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell 'em to clap until their parents come home.
Why are they called s’mores?
Because you always want another one!
What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.