You jokes

A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"

This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.

So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"

The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."

So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."

When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"

The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."

Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.

I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."

I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

Bully: "I would roast you but my mom told me not to burn trash."

Me: "So that's why you haven't burnt yourself yet." 🤔

You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.

One day the teacher said, "There are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. How many are left?" The teacher calls on lil Johnny. "None," the teacher said, "no but try again." Lil Johnny says, "None, because if you shoot one the rest get scared and leave." The teacher said, "Not quite, but I like the way you think."

Lil Johnny then says, "Alright teacher, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench, one's sucking it, the other is licking it, and the last one is biting it. Which one is married?" The teacher then says, "The one sucking it, of course!" Lil Johnny then says, "No, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think!"

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

Hey Siri, where is my dad?

Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!

Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

...WhAT-

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner.

Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!

You know what the worst thing about gang rape is?

Having to wait your turn.

As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.

The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."

So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."

Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.

On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."

Having homosexual parents must be terrible.

Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".

You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.

I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡

What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

Answer: Depresso.

Bully: "Shut up and give me your money, otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin."

Boy: "Haha, I am not a virgin anymore."

Bully: "Haha, nice joke."

Boy: "If you don't believe then ask your sister or brother."

Bully: "Hah, I don't have any sibling."

Boy: "Will just wait for 9 months then u will know."