You jokes

Bully: "I would roast you but my mom told me not to burn trash."

Me: "So that's why you haven't burnt yourself yet." 🤔

I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."

I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' Catholic.

You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.

One day the teacher said, "There are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. How many are left?" The teacher calls on lil Johnny. "None," the teacher said, "no but try again." Lil Johnny says, "None, because if you shoot one the rest get scared and leave." The teacher said, "Not quite, but I like the way you think."

Lil Johnny then says, "Alright teacher, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench, one's sucking it, the other is licking it, and the last one is biting it. Which one is married?" The teacher then says, "The one sucking it, of course!" Lil Johnny then says, "No, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think!"

Hey Siri, where is my dad?

Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!

Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

...WhAT-

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner.

Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!

Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.

Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.

On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."

Having homosexual parents must be terrible.

Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".

What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?

Ginger! You racist fuc-

Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as Red Bull.

You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.

Bf: What do you think about our love?

Gf: Count the stars in the sky.

Bf: Aww, it's infinity.

Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.

What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

Answer: Depresso.

Bully: "Shut up and give me your money, otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin."

Boy: "Haha, I am not a virgin anymore."

Bully: "Haha, nice joke."

Boy: "If you don't believe then ask your sister or brother."

Bully: "Hah, I don't have any sibling."

Boy: "Will just wait for 9 months then u will know."

What is the difference between a woman performing anilingus on a man and a woman performing fellatio on a man?

If a woman is performing anilingus on a man, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!