You jokes

What do you call a person with no body or a nose?

Nobody knows.

Do you wanna eat makeup, 'cause you're not pretty on the inside?

I love you, Tina!

Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

If you ever had your nipple ripped off by a possum, you might be a redneck...

I always press the stop button to see you.

What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

OK, guys, quick update, what is going on with Freshfry, Drew, and Alya?

All they're doing is fighting, and I want to put an end to it. So Freshfry, Drew, and Alya all need to read this, OK. First, Freshfry, you should've just said OK the first thing he said, and Drew... really? You had to keep egging him on. I don't know about Alya, but it's like cats and dogs fighting. Just please stop fighting :(

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?

Good question.

Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?

Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."

Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."

Have you heard the 9/11 joke yet?... It was pretty fire.

What’s the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.

Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?

The knee caps.