You jokes
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.
Wanna me to show you a joke?
*Points at face* Funny, right?
How do you find a rapper in a snowstorm?
Look for the one with the "ICE-COLD RHYMES."
What do you call it when an orphan takes a photo of himself?
A family photo.
You think your friends get butthurt?
That's gay guys.
To RANDYYYY,
Hi Randy, this is ALYA. I don't want to fight with you. If you're an orphan and you do know about your past, you probably get sad, right? Well, these jokes just bring up the bad times for me.
-ALYA with love
I give you 31 because we will do the 69 later, thanks.
What's something you shouldn't tell a paraplegic that's being confronted by a bully?
Just walk away.
What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?
Cooking the vegetables.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends how hard you throw them.
When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.
You are so ugly, when you went to a haunted house, you came back with a job application.
Dogs are better relationship partners than you. Wanna know why? They're loyal, patient, love unconditionally, smart. Traits you clearly lack, you cheating ass bitch.
What do you call a cow without legs?
Ground beef!
What do you call a gay cactus?
A "prick."
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
What do you call a kid that lives alone?
An orphan. ;)
What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
What do you call ten lesbians in a room together? Fingerhut.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet together? A liquor cabinet.
What do you call a room full of 50 lesbians and fifty congressmen? 100 people who don't do dick.
Why don't women wear miniskirts in the winter? 'Cause they would get chapped lips.
What do a cliff jumper and a gay man have in common? If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit.