You jokes
A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"
The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high, touched Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."
But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a kid.
What do you call a chicken that was cared for? A tendered chicken.
Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
Five little monkeys jumping on a bed.
One fell off and bumped his head. Mamma called Walmart, and Walmart said,
"We will give you a replacement!"
You're tiny!
What happens when you throw water on Stephen Hawking?
He says, "Oh fuck fuck fuck!"
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.
I was gonna tell you a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort it.
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"
If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
A LYRICAL WIZARD
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.
You're so skinny that your mom had to use a whole shampoo bottle on your head, but she still couldn’t find you.
Are you a banana...
because I find you a-peeling!
What do you call a rapper who can’t rap?
A wrapper with no FILLING.