What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off.
You Jokes
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
What do you call a pen with no head?
DeCAPitated.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome who graduated high school?
Impossible!
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it.
I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.
They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!
It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until they see their parents.
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?
Steamed veggies!
