You jokes
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.
Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂
If you know it, you know it.
Are you sad? Then don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das no good.
What do you call a deer who is funny?
Diraleous.
What do you call two Mexicans playing ping pong? Juan on Juan.
Your forehead is so big even Mega Mind knew you were smarter.
What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?
An Oreo.
What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?
Motherfuckers.
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"
She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"
He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
What do you call identical tall people? Twin Towers.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.
What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?
You would be dam unlucky.
What do you call a kid named Caitlyn?
My best friend.
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!