You jokes

"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."

"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"

"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."

Did you know about 9 months after a power outage 50% more babies are born because it is dark?

Were you born on the highway? That's where most accidents happen.

What is the first thing you should always take care of first after a car crash?

The witnesses.

What’s the only other advantage of being an orphan?

The teacher can’t give you homework.

Me: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Me: Your parents.

I want to tell you a joke about 9/11... but I'm afraid it will be the bomb.

What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?

Pikachu, I choose you!

Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.

I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"

Ur mum—oh wait, you don't have that.

Halloween joke:

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?

A blood test.

What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.

TJ's hairline is so far back, if you travel back in time, you still won't find it.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

If you hate pedophiles, grow up.

Are you a toaster?

Because I wanna take a bath with you.

Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell it to clap until his/her parents are back.