You jokes
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on a bungy jump?
Spasticelastic.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until they see their parents.
What do you call a bacon from Chernobyl?
Technoblade!
Roses are red, I hate snitches, You talk a lot of game for a guy with 3 inches.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it.
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
What do you call a person with no body and no nose? "Nobody knows."
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.