You jokes

Secret

Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!

Stroke

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

Dick

"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

World

You are able to travel to the anime world, believe me, Michael Jackson did it.

Pregnancy

How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?

Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...

Kamikaze

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."

Midget

How do you piss off a midget?

Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.

Cannibal

Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.

His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”

Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”

Candy

On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.

Sandwich

What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.

Porn

What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we look through.