You jokes
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
What do you call a suspicious dog?
A sussy bark-er.
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off.
True love 😂
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.
What do you call a group of depressed teenagers? The Suicide Squad.
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Answer: Special forces.
Bro, you look like you got your hair from the Roblox avatar shop.
What do you call a flat emo?
Cutting board.
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
Bully: Agh, you're ugly!
Me: Said your mom when you were born.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
What do you call a rapper who becomes a chef?
A LYRICAL COOK!
Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?
Your forehead is so big you can land a jumbo jet on it.
It says in the Bible to only think about what’s pure and lovely… So I’ve been thinking about you all day long.
Yo Mama so fat, she could fit you in her stomach.