You jokes

What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?

Ian.

Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope.

You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.

What do you call an emo that cuts too deep? Gushers.

What do you call a disabled kid on fire?

Hot wheels.

What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?

A bath bomb.

Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.

Orphan: How come?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

Orphan: . . . .

How do you turn a Chinese person into an American? Put a bag of ice on their eyes.

What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."

What do you call a depressed person's life?

At this point, nonexistent.

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.

What did one toilet say to the other?

You look pretty flushed.

Did you know an orphan is deeply religious because they can finally call someone "father."

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints.

I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.