You jokes
What do you say to your partner with diabetes?
Hey, sugar!
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
What do you say to a woman who is completely beaten up on her face, full of bruises, and has a broken jaw?
"Will you listen now?!??"
Why is Uranus so big? Because you discovered it.
You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.
You're so ugly you got stuff for free.
You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.
You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.
You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.
What do you call people from Paris?
Parasites.
You know we straight with doin' your mom.
To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.
LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)
Wanna hear a joke? Your dad leaving you, you sad clown!
You're so skinny, you swallowed a meatball and thought you were pregnant!
What do you call an Asian man flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist fuck!
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels! We'll see him soon.
Things you say before sex, Disney addition:
"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
You know what they say: "Location, location, location." So my dad stuck a thermometer up his butt, and now he has degrees.
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.
If you ever had your nipple ripped off by a possum, you might be a redneck...
Did you ever walk into Stephen Hawking's house?
Answer: No, neither did he.
What do you call a man with no legs?
Neil (kneel)
Son: Dad, I'm gay.
Dad: I support you.
Son: I like you.
Dad: Get out and into my room!