You jokes
Have you ever seen the clown in Walmart that hides from gay people?
No..... Really?
Hahaha
Grasshole.
What time is it when you have a toothache?
2:30 (Tooth hurty).
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
What do you call a Chinese boy throwing poo?
Yung Flung Dung.
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work…
Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
What do you do when you are angry with an orphan? Hit them.
It's not like they can tell their parents.
31. During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento".
When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
32. Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance.
"See that over there? What is that?", says the first crow.
The second crow takes a long look, "That's a scarecrow. Looks authentic, doesn't it."
"How can you tell it's a scarecrow and not a person?", replies the first crow.
"Look at its hand. No cellphone", says the second crow.
33. Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.
“I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.
“I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends him back home.
“I’m lonely,” says the third friend. “I sure wish my friends were back here.”
34. A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly.
“Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?”
“I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”
35. After Sunday church, the priest would hand us each an orange and a big cookie. A little girl once lied and took two oranges, but the priest told her she mustn't lie because God is watching. Then, the girl took two cookies and lied about it. When asked why she had done that, she said because she thought that God was only watching oranges.
36. I was in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures, but he was alright except for some minor cuts. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder."
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Q: What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
A: Special forces.
I'll give you an A because you're awesome.
B because you're beautiful.
A C because you're caring.
And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
What do you call two brunettes and a blonde in the NFL?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver!
I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.