You jokes
Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.
What do you get when you throw holy water on a cow?
A holy cow!
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"
Guys, say "I love gape horn" really loud and you will get good luck for 10 years.
When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.
Person: Why? You: No.
Why do sisters hate you?
Because you're their favorite stepbrother :P
Are you Paris, 'cause Eiffel for you.
Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued," and it said, "Fuck you."
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.
So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"
Crack me, break me, love me, and you ate me--egg.
If you have a teacher who is a Karen, comment what the worst thing that they did to you or your entire class. I know this isn’t a joke, but why not?
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."
Me:.....