You jokes
What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A little get together.
Doctor: "I am so sorry, I cannot see you today."
Orphan: "Oh, okay. What about tomorrow?"
Doctor: "No, I can't see you ever."
Orphan: "Why?"
Doctor: "Because I am a family doctor."
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
What's Michael Jackson's favorite things to say to little boys? "I'd really love to see you-hoo-hoo tonight," and "I can't smile without you-hoo-hoo."
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.
Your teeth are so yellow, you spit butter!
(Bully) Boy, you ugly!
(Me) Boy, shut up, that's why your hairline start at the back of your head.
Did you see that Chinese man with no legs?
No, I'm blind.
Stop ruining my jokes.
Isn't that the Chinese man with no legs' fault?
It's not like He Go Ann Hi Weh.
Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"
My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.
What did John Cena say to the blind kid? "You can't see me."
Do you want drugs? Buy KFC; poor people.
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."
"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
What would you throw between a priest and a nun? A bottle of whiskey.
When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.
When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.