You jokes

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.

You know, the earth was flat till they buried your mama.

What do you call an orphan?

Homeless.

Fun Fact: Did you know JFK's brain was so big it covered a whole entire limousine?

Son: Dad, what's dark humor?

Dad: Do you see the guy over there with no arms?

Son: No, I'm blind.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.

She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."

Son said, "But I can't see."

Mom said, "That's the point."

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

"Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."

- JFK

Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?

Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?

One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

Beautiful people should read this quote: "God gave you beauty but not brains."

Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"

The child said, "A mistake."

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

Pikachu, I choose you!

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.

If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?

The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.

You're so ugly that even the World Trade Center got a better transformation than you.

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued," and it said, "Fuck you."