You jokes
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.
Why did your dad FUCKING LEAVE YOU? He went to suck balls.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"
What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
What do you call a bear with no ears? A b.
Yeah, that joke was unbearable.
What did the parents say to the orphans?
"YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."
Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.
"Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?
"You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.
Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.
Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"
Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."
My Bff: Hey do want any coffee?
Me: Yeh, of course.
My Bff: Ok which one?
Me: You know... the black one.
Me: Like my soul...
My Bff: Jeez you ok?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You're welcome.
What happens when you hit Dwayne Johnson's butt? You hit rock bottom.
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What do you call a priest who became a singer?
Michael Jackson.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner? You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"
"Ok."
"What town did you grow up in?"
"Oral."