You jokes
I hope you have to squeeze the hell out of toothpaste only for the little bit to fall down the sink drain.
Read this word:
Heroine.
Did you read it like the drug or like a female superhero?
Why are you gay? Because I said so!
Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?
He shot a Ginger.
What do you call a male ladybug?
Trans.
What did Nicki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?
"Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you."
"You think THAT'S bad?!? Remember the time I was in Paris with Donny de Francovich?"
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
What should you name a dog without any legs?
It doesn't really matter. No matter what you yell, he's not coming.
What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
You should always be happy about family and love.
If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.
If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?
If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.
Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!
You could hold your breath for the rest of your life.
Think about it.
Charlie Chaplin and Tork Poettschke meet.
Chaplin: "What can I do for you?"
Poettschke: "Please get away from me."
You really put the R in special.
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
You have Chinged your last Chong.
People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.
POV there’s a school shooting.
American: First time, European?
European: Yeah, you American?
American: No, not my first time.
If you don't like orphan jokes, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON HERE??!!! WE DON'T ACCEPT YOU HERE!
If you saw an orphan, could you say where your parents at? And if they cry, just say, "hey here are your parents" then grab nothing. Perfect example.