You jokes
What do you call a black person with a pride flag? A Cosmic Brownie.
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
What do you call a lamp that molests young boys? A Jacko Lantern!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Queen.
Queen who?
You don't know the queen? You're crazy!
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
Memes
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
What do you call a vagina with teeth?
A vicious cunt.
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
What do you call a letter using the bathroom?
The P.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.
Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"
How do you blindfold an Asian? String!
What do you call Stephen Hawking on a bungy jump?
Spasticelastic.
What do you call an Indian with pink hair?
Ghandi floss.
Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!
Mom: Exactly.