You jokes

What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?

"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"

At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

So you're the one!

Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit

Q: Have you ever felt a window?

A: Did you feel the pane?

Q: How do you make a door cry?

A: Twist its knob.

Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

What do you call a black person in a dark room?

Invisible.

Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.

You aren't alone. If you ever need to chat, I'm here. From one person to another. I hate this condition. I wish we didn't struggle.

I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.

You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?

It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.

If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.

Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?

Would you like to eat some African food?

So would they...

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.

What do you call a white duck?

A quacker.

How do you punish a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.