You jokes

What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"

Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.

What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef.

There are 206 bones in my body.

When I look at you, it becomes 207.

A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"

A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"

Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"

"Our wedding video."

Did you know that the F in orphan means family?

There's no F in orphan?

Exactly.

What do you call a terrorist in water?

A bath bomb 😁

What do you call an Iraqi swimming in the water?

A bath bomb.

If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.

I’d like to take you to the movies, but unfortunately, they don’t let you bring your own snacks.

Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?

Son: Ok dad.

AFTER TEST

Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?

Son: Son?

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?

The doctor taking off his watch.

I prank called someone saying, "SON! IT'S ME, SON! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" My friend next to me asked who I was calling, and I said, "the orphanage."

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

You're so fat, when you went on the scale it said "to be continued."

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

If you hate pedophiles, grow up.

I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."