You jokes
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Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.
One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.
Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.
Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"
What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles!
Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
My mom told me to get a job, so I did.
One day my mom saw me, I had money. My mom asked me where did you get that money? My mom asked me where did you get that money. I said I got a job in the neighborhood. My mom asked me what do you do, so I said when you take showers I secretly open the door, and I let the guys come and see you one by one, and I get paid for it.
My mom said you're growing up so fast, & I said back to my mom that is what the guys say when they see you in the shower.
When you see a kid yelling and you wanna leave :(((((((
A guy once went hunting at a hunting ranch. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in the rancher’s living room. There they were having a grand ole time then the rancher’s wife walks in. The hunter says, “That’s a nice piece of ass you got yourself there.” The rancher replied with a harsh, raspy Southern chuckle from years of Marlboro Reds, “You’ve never been so right in your life. Honey, why don’t you show our guest your tits?” She agrees and shows the hunter her plump DD cup breasts.
The hunter says, “Nice.” Then the rancher said, “Show ‘em yer pecker now.” She agreed and whipped out a 13 incher. Dazed and confused, the hunter says, “What in Sam Hill is that?!” And the rancher replied, “Now... lemme tell you... there ain’t a thing like it.”
When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."
A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.
Which do you choose?
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
What do you call a Chinese hooker that won't get on her knees?
Cantonese...
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
What do you call a homosexual in a coma?
A fruit and a vegetable!
What do you call a flat emo girl?
A cutting board.