You jokes

What do you call a blind person driving a car?

Died.

When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"

I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."

When you cream pie a tardy hottie, it’s called a loaded potato. 🥴🦴💨🥔

What would you call a cat royal’s descendants?

A feline.

If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?

VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.

LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.

Your soul is black. I have 4 guns, little kid. Get in the van before I shoot you!

You want to know why Santa brings such a big sack?

Because he only comes once a year.

Do you know who Dee is?

Dees nuts!

Dude,

if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.

What do you call a Mexican door?

Dora.

A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.

Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"

The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."

What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?

A waist of your time.

Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?

They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.

Did you hear that Uranus is cracked?

Are you the Twin Towers? I can't stand you.

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!

Are you gay? "No." Oh, so you're not happy? "No." Oh...