You jokes
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
What do you call a Pirate Pokemon?
Arrrrrr-ceus!
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
Do you like pudding? Pudding deez nuts in your mouth!
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
Comment and join Dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck.
My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."
I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?
You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.
What do you call depressed coffee?
Despresso ;)
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
Neither has he.
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.