You jokes
when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 10 fingers, the middle ones are for you.
It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.
What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
Do you know Imagine Dragons? Imagine dragon these nuts across your face!
Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
What do you call a disabled person who gets high?
Baked potato.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
No, it's harmless.
Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?
Person B: Tentacles?
Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.