You jokes
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
You know I used to call my dogs' balls the Twin Towers, until they came rumbling down.
Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"
Because he needs to pick your balls.
So if you are bored, punch an orphan.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?🙄🙄
Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.
Son: Why, Dad?
Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Do you know Imagine Dragons? Imagine dragon these nuts across your face!
Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Comment and join Dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck.
I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.
You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.
What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?
School shooter.
What do you call depressed coffee?
Despresso ;)