You jokes
Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
Why don't you fart in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have any Windows.
Memes
me when i realized that buildings don't make earth any heavier cuz all the materials were already used on it.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"
Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.
LOL
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?
Diddler on the Roof.
What do you call an autistic person? Names.
I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.
What do you do when a Panera Bread panera breads?
Panera Bread.
If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
You know what I hate about rape?
Keeping it a secret.
So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.
1 hour before:
So let me get...
Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!
Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.
Class: No one stands up.
Teacher: Oh, c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *teacher waves her finger around the left side of the room.*
Little Johnny: *stands up.*
Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?
Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.