You jokes

Orphanage

You know those paper families you cut out?

Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.

Race

Did you hear about the tomato and the lettuce race?

Well, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!

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  • Finger

    Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, and the middle one is for you.

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  • Wish

    "This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

    "You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."

    Sun

    North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.

    Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."

    The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."

    Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."

    Cat

    How do you make a cat go "woof"?

    ... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"

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  • Line

    How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.

    Man

    A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."

    Hitler

    I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...

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  • Shooter

    When the school shooter asks the autistic kid which hostage he wants to rape, and he looks at you like 😋.

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  • Roast

    1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!

    2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!

    3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!

    4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!

    If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!

    Are these good?