You jokes
When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:
"Looks like I am going back to the future!"
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A family portrait.
Gwen, why are you so nice?
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
Memes
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.
Why don’t you see gay orphans at a daycare?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
When you meet your gf at the family reunion.
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.
You are so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Glock 46.
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.