You jokes
What’s the most played song in Africa?
Have you ever seen the rain?
What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?
Next time I’m bringing all my friends.
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.
You are so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Glock 46.
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
When you meet your gf at the family reunion.
You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.
The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.