You jokes

Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit

Q: Have you ever felt a window?

A: Did you feel the pane?

Q: How do you make a door cry?

A: Twist its knob.

Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

What do you call a black person in a dark room?

Invisible.

Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.

You aren't alone. If you ever need to chat, I'm here. From one person to another. I hate this condition. I wish we didn't struggle.

I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.

You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?

It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.

If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.

Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?

Would you like to eat some African food?

So would they...

When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.

What do you call a white duck?

A quacker.

How do you punish a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?

A: Look in a mirror.

Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,

answer the phone with this:

"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"

or

"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"

Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.