What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"
You Jokes
I say hi to Sans. Sans shows his hand and says, "It's hand to meet you," and we both laugh.
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*
me when i realized that buildings don't make earth any heavier cuz all the materials were already used on it.
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.
Did you know I'm a really fast reader?
I can go through a few stories in just a few seconds!
What do you say to a depressed special kid?
“Why so down?”
Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger?
It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.
What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing, you told her twice.
