You jokes
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Holy cow!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing, you told her twice.
Damn it I discovered digital art. Made this for my laptop lockscreen 😂 I drew the panda btw
A: Do you eat food?
B: Yes...
A: You can sit on deez nuts then!
B: Omg I have depression now.
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
You have an entire life being an idiot, why not take a day off?
What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?
Panera Fred.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."
People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
What did the Chinese man say to his wife?
I'll chin you later.
You can hit an orphan, because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
Do you know what the "W" in Africa stands for? Water!
"I LOVE YOU JACK!"
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A saltshaker.
GF: What do you think of our love?
BF: Count the stars in the sky.
GF: Aww... It's infinity!
BF: Nope. It's just a waste of time.
What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.