You jokes
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What do you call a blind German? Someone who can't Nazi!
What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
Memes
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"
Because he needs to pick your balls.
What do you call an orphan? No home-o.
Q.) What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A.) A family stump.
In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."
You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
What do you call terrorists in a wheelchair?
An RCXD.
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
Bestfriend @3am: I love you.
Me: Love you too.
*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*
I don't know if this is funny.