You jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Shrek is ugly, but not uglier than you.
Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb. I said, "Awww, are you an orphan?" He said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.
Your forehead's so big, when you were being born, the doctors thought you had no face.
Worst punishment of all
Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle? It has an X-O-skeleton.
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"
"Africa," the parrot replied.
You call, I'm putting on.
Frank (34) DJ.
What do you call a group of brothers who fuck one another?
Super Smash Bros.
Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?
They don’t deserve rights!
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
You call it a burning orphanage. I call it FNAF lore.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.
I still remember my grandpa's last words, "Stop wobbling the ladder, you cunt!"
One day you see a girl climb a pole and ask her, "Why are you climbing that pole?" "Because a boy paid me to." "He did that to see your underwear." "Oh. Ok."
The next day you see her do the same thing. "Why are you doing the same thing?" "Well, I got him this time. I did not wear underwear."
What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? The I Fell Tower!
You watch 50 Shades of Grey, and you turn grey in bed.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.