You jokes

How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.

Sorry.

Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!

Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

What do you call a sad coffee?

Despesso.

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

What do you call a feminist with a rape whistle? Delusional and optimistic.

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"

Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"

Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm stroking my dick and thinking of you.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

At least when I fucked it.

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? "HOT WHEELS"

What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?

Kill their parents.

What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?

You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.