You jokes
Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?
They don’t deserve rights!
Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?
It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.
I still remember my grandpa's last words, "Stop wobbling the ladder, you cunt!"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
Memes
Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb. I said, "Awww, are you an orphan?" He said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Shrek is ugly, but not uglier than you.
Your forehead's so big, when you were being born, the doctors thought you had no face.
Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle? It has an X-O-skeleton.
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
What do you call a group of brothers who fuck one another?
Super Smash Bros.
You call it a burning orphanage. I call it FNAF lore.
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"
"Africa," the parrot replied.
You call, I'm putting on.
Frank (34) DJ.
I'll never forget my Grandad's last words... "Son, where did you get a grenade from?!"
One day you see a girl climb a pole and ask her, "Why are you climbing that pole?" "Because a boy paid me to." "He did that to see your underwear." "Oh. Ok."
The next day you see her do the same thing. "Why are you doing the same thing?" "Well, I got him this time. I did not wear underwear."
You watch 50 Shades of Grey, and you turn grey in bed.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.