You jokes

Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?

He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"

One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."

Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.

What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?

The Devil's advocado.

Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?

I heard it was because of pier pressure.

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"But I'm not dead yet!"

"But we're not there yet."

Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?

Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?

If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.

Elephants never forget.

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.

Cheer on the rapist if you want.

What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.

What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.

What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.

What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE

What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?

You better not lay a finger on her!

When you have a bladder infection,

You're in trouble. 😜

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

Robin: "The car's not working."

Batman: "Did you check the battery?"

Robin: "What's a tery?"

Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.

What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? The I Fell Tower!

What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.

Unless you are in prison.