You jokes
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?
Adolf Hit Her.
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
Is Google a male or female?
Female because it doesn’t let you finish your sentences before making a suggestion.
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"
Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pal of water. Me: incorrect, two pals of water, one to refresh from running up a hill and the one you went to get. I’m sick af from these stories.
A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
Wanna hear a funny joke? Well, that was why you were here... Here's the joke: Your life :)
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
Sans: Zzzzzzzz
Papyus: SANS WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it dude?
Papyus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
Papyus: Grrrrr....
Sans: Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.
I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...