Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
You Jokes
What do you call a fat midget?
Jigglypuff.
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "He was a little tardy."
I replied to her, "I thought they all were."
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
What do women and KFC have in common?
After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?
TripAdvisor.com
