Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody nose.
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
what do you call a flat road named after George Floyd?
Flat neck road.
Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?
A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.
I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.
If you know, you know. 😏😏
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
