You jokes
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
"I will Always Love You!"
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
Memes
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Just cut the rope.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
Why can't you tell anyone about space?
Because it's too out of this world!
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”