You jokes
What do you call an elephant and a rhino mix?
Helliphino!
Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"
Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."
Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"
You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.
Q: Where do you bury the people killed in 9/11?
A: It's already done for you.
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
Three drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination." The first guy gave him money, and the second guy said, "Thank you." The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?" The third guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
Why do you play Call of Duty?
I actually don't know.
What do you call seagulls that fly over a bay? Bay-gulls.
Screw you, ableists!
Why are the jokes fat? Because you made it.
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
What do you call the longest reigning monarch?
The queen? No, she dead.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?
"Him and his dead family." :(
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
Yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou!
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫