You jokes
If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."
Who says white people can't jump?
Have you seen the 911 footage?
Are you a toaster?
'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.