You jokes

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?

Panera dead.

Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!

Did you know Helen Keller had a sister?

Neither did she.

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until their parents come home.

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

What do you call a decapitated politician?

A severed head of state.

Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."

Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.

What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.

What do you call an orphan family tree?

A tree stump.

If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

Big hands.

Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸

I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.