You jokes
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.
The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.
The French salute starts with your hands in the air.
The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
How do you get 1 million followers?
You run through Africa with a bottle of water.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
"I will Always Love You!"
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Just cut the rope.
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."
Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"