You jokes

My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.

"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we look through.

Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of seamen waiting for you 😉

What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.

Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.

Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.

What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.

What do you find up a ghost's nose? A BOOger.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Lion 🦁.

Lion who?

Lion again, aren't you?

What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?

Dumb.

Did you fall from heaven? Because you really did a damage on your face.

DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.

Q. What do you give a sick lemon?

A. Lemon-aid.

What do you call a spice with a PHD?

Dr. Pepper

Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"

Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."

What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

What does the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler television ad have in common with ministers who are white Christian nationalists?

They both thank you for your financial support.

How do you make a sad person jump?

A bridge.