You jokes
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!
My hair strainer is hotter than you.
When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?
Stick a chicken wing up there.
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?
Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
Wanna play shark attack? I eat, you scream!
What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?
Land ho!
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.