You jokes
You look like the 0.01 percent of bacteria the Lysol didn't kill.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
What do you call a selfie that is taken by an orphan?
Answer: A family photo.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
"You only get offended because it's true"
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!
I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Me: Demon Slayer.
My teacher: Why?
The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!
People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!
Do you know why 6 is afraid of 7? Why? Because 7 ate 9 (8).
Do you know why 10 is scared? Why? Because he is between 9 and 11.
If you really think about it, every market in Africa is a black market.
I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.
Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you?
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."