Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?
You Jokes
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
Trump says to Obama, "You know it’s the White House, not the black house, right?" And Obama says, "Yeah, but it isn’t the orange house either."
How do you get 1 million followers?
You run through Africa with a bottle of water.
What’s the difference between a chromosome and a hormone?
You can hear a hormone.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.
You know Bofa? Bofa deez nuts.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."
Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
