You jokes

Papyrus ran headfirst into a windmill. Guess you can call him a bonehead.

What do you call your angry French aunt?

A crossaunt.

What do you call a bee’s love?

Honey.

You're not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

What do you call a guy from India calling you?

A scammer.

what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?

you find the real one.

What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to turn them on before they start to suck.

Bippity Boppity, I'm gonna shoot you off my property!

What do you call a banana eating a banana?

Canabananalism.

Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.

Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?

So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."

For all of my musicians out there!

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

(People will then say "r")

Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.

How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?

A blender.

How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?

A straw.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

What is the difference between a whore and an onion?

You don't cry when you chop a whore.

Trump says to Obama, "You know it’s the White House, not the black house, right?" And Obama says, "Yeah, but it isn’t the orange house either."