You jokes
What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?
An Amish Mechanic.
What do you say to a fat Asian?
You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."
I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."
What's the difference between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
How do you name a disabled Asian?
Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.
Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.
Dear math,
Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.
Thanks.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.
what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?
steamed vegetables.
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.