You jokes

I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."

Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!

Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?

A: You gonna eat that?

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.

Dear math,

Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.

Thanks.

what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?

steamed vegetables.

Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?

For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.

A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."

A boy and his friend were walking down the street.

Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"

Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."

Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."

Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.

He came in twice.

(like if u understand)

If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.

They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!

Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."

What is the difference between a whore and an onion?

You don't cry when you chop a whore.

I would roast you but you're already so hot.

What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?

Hey, did you know that 9/11 won a Grammy?

Yes, best comedy award.

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

If you want to SH but not in the sell farm way, come ooon.. do you even know what does that means?..

I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.

I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!