You jokes
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
You reload and keep shooting.
You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.
Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism?
It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
What do you call 2 Indians on a dating website? Connect the dots.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
Daddy.
what do you call a lazy gay?
someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.
Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)
Caller: "Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?"
Operator: "Yes, you can speak to me."
Caller: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!"
Operator: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"
Caller: "I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent."
Operator: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?"
Caller: "Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital."
Operator: "Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"
Caller: "You are so rude! Who are you?"
Operator: "I'm Saw Lee (Sorry)."
Caller: "Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
Did you know the Titanic swimming pool is still full?
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
And that concludes your French oral. You can put your trousers back up, and I'll see you on Monday.
You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.
I nailed my sister's... picture on the wall.
You dirty-minded bastard!