If you want to get mental damage, visit the site:
https://schlechtewitze.com
You Jokes
Any game: "Are you a boy or a girl?"
Non-binary people: *cries*
"You look like you've lost some weight."
"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"
So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."
Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!
Orphan: You will?
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"
What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?
Reality.
What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?
Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
A field of cotton waiting to be picked.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.
Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
