You jokes
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: "You mathematicians don't know your limits."
Did you know the Titanic swimming pool is still full?
Memes
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
What do you call a family photo taken by an orphan?
A selfie.
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?
What do you call a Mexican's prison?
The border.
And that concludes your French oral. You can put your trousers back up, and I'll see you on Monday.
Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?
CURRY in a hurry.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?
She had small tits.
What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection? A cracker with cheese.