You jokes

Are you acid, cause I want to throw [you] at my face?

Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.

Your mom went to the ocean, and the whales said, "We are family," even though you are fatter than me.

You are shore to find loads of jokes funny even if I can’t kelp you find the right ones.

Loads of jokes are funny as I’m shore you shall sea.

What do you call the bell at the Asian restaurant?

I'm ta ping it, some ting won.

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?

I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!

What did the blender say to the orange juice?

"What the fuck are you, you are so fucking stupid, shut the fuck up."

When do you go at stop and stop when done?

I don't know, I'm not a pedophile.

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

You're so ugly whenever you say hi, people walk away and say that you were too ugly, and they go take a bath right away because you're so stinky.

They say that you look like your mama. Wait, your mama must be just like you because I can see her way from a mile!

You say you put on perfume, but every time I smell you, you smell like poo-poo. You're so ugly that when your mom looks in the mirror, you cry. You're so stupid the second-grade teacher had to tell you to go all the way to kindergarten. Head Start is every grade below you. You can't even go to the 20th grade, which stands for 9th grade. You can't even go to grocery stores, and people that tell you that you're so ugly give you compliments just to make you feel better. You know that everybody just likes you just because they just don't want to hurt your feelings, so just stay in your mind. Hey, you want to text Matt; you know it was you because every time you see you, you think that you matter. Matter fact, he doesn't even like you; he just wants your money girl. Who even likes you? 😈😈

What do you call a Downey with glasses?

No, me neither.

Hey, I met you like way way back, just like your hairline.

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."

My brother said, "You want a cookie?"

What happens to an Indian's doorbell when you ring it?

A ring-a-ding-a-ding.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?

I love you too.

What do you call a person without a nose and who doesn't know much?

Nose-less.

POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.

What do you call an Asian kid that is bad at math?

An orphan.

What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him for a drag.