You jokes
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"
Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."
An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"
A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
Memes
What do you call Adolf Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
Yo mama so fat, One Punch Man had to punch 3 times.
what's the worst thing to say to an emo?
if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.
What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.
What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
What do you call a passport for Mandalorians?
A Pre Visa!