You jokes
What do you call an emo committing suicide while filming it?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
You know what an emo gets for his birthday? A rope.
If you're depressed and you're crying, like this joke.
Are you suicide? Because you are always on my mind.
Teacher: Where's your homework?
Student: At home...
Teacher: What's it doing there?
Student: Having a better time than me.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Get up, you lazybones!
Have you ever walked past Steven Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You follow the Fresh prints.
What do you call a cow that's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff!
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come home.
What's the a simulation between a penis and a Rubik's cube?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Why go across the street when you can just go down the hall, lol?
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."
What do you call a Chinese man in the heat?
Boi Ling.
Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?
A: Cuatro Cinco.
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.