You jokes
My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.
Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.
You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?
A) Robert Drowney Jr.
Who doesn't know it? 😂
When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”
Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?
Mike said: I don’t know, what?
Jon said: Kinder surprise.
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
What do you call a pig that does karate?
PORK-CHOP
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
You're so poor, when you kicked a can, a man asked, "Are you moving?"
How do you get away with rape and incest in California?
Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.
What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.
Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.
So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂
There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.