You jokes
What happens when you search nudes on my phone?
Nothing, I don't have any.
When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.
By the way, have you seen my sister?
Last night I had a dream of lead, but your mom won't let me tell you.
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."
I'm going to your mom's house. Can you help me, planet?
This boy said, "Get your hairline straight." I said, "Girls don't have a hairline. How about you go to the barber shop and let your barber do your hair 10 times worse than he did the first time."
What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Jurassic Park.
What do you call a pillow that has been on the bed for 20 years in jail?
A criminal! 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!
What do you call a man with no toes?
No Toe Joe.
What time is it when you need to go to the toilet?
Two-ply!
Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?
He killed his mom and then fucked her.
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girlfriend?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
I will make a funny joke if you let me be your boyfriend. I'm 19 and I am Russian.
I’m not funny! Please do not laugh at my jokes! But do check them out, they’re very unpredictable. Read them, do not laugh, they’re jokes, do not laugh at them!
Someone: hah- Me: NO DON’T YOU DARE!😠😠
You will remember reading this for the rest of your life.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?
Me: Where's your parents?
Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?
Me: Because it has a home button.
Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"
Wanking.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.