You jokes

Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?

When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.

Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*

She has cancer.

@ the N-word of your dreams, why you not say nun on the fuckin community? You should talk on ther my g.

Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.

What do you call a rapper who LOVES to fish?

MC Bassline.

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

Jay-Z and B.

What do you call a rapper who can’t rhyme?

A speech impediment.

Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.

I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.

Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?

A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.

What do you call a Flying Pilot?

He pee on the plane.

Hey Explain bear, how would you like to be replaced by #ExplainNibbles the hamster AI?

Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?

He killed his mom and then fucked her.

Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”

The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”

Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?

Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.

Student: Ok!!

Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?

Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.

Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.

Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.

What do you call an octopus dad?

An octodad.

I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?

She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"

To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"

An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"

Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"

Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."

What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?

You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.

How is being gay like a geology class?

You get to lick all the rocks you want.

What did the dick say to the asshole?

You need another dick.