You Jokes

Apple

You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?

We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.

Orphan

You can't put an orphan on house arrest if there isn't a house to arrest them to.

Steak

The waiter asked me, "How would you like your steak?"

I replied, "As soon as possible!"

Bar

Two gay men walk into a bar. One of them turned to the other and said, "Hey, what do you say we get out of here?"

Post

Dad: What's the difference between an ELEPHANT and a POSTBOX?

Son: I don't know.

Dad: I'd better not trust you with my post then.

Adoption center

Me: Says to kid at adoption center, "You're adopted!"

Me and kid: hug.

Thought this site needed a little bit of nice jokes.

People

Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?

Everybody knows nothing.

Man

What do you call a man with 6.022 x 10^23 dollars?

A Moleionaire.

N word

@ the N-word of your dreams, why you not say nun on the fuckin community? You should talk on ther my g.

Hamster

Hey Explain bear, how would you like to be replaced by #ExplainNibbles the hamster AI?

Joe

Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?

Stereotype

America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"

UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.

America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts πŸ‘–

Kid

What do you call an autistic kid with a minigun?

Special forces.