You Jokes

I know this is a really bad poem, but I'll do it anyway 'cause I have nothing else to do.

'Twas so pretty a night, with people all asleep. Everyone's dreaming of that candy apple treat, and a palace. But alas! No, it's all a dream. Even eating ice cream, it's all a dream! Why can't I have this? Why can't I have that? BUT NO! It's just hitting you like a bat. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT, you say to yourself. All for me, all for me, and et cetera. It goes on and on. But why wish for riches? You're already rich enough. If you have a device, then take my advise, if you were poor you would have spent the money on food, like honey, not something that... OF ALL THINGS IS GOOGLE!

Like I said, it's really bad. :(

What do you do with a frozen vegetable?

You wait for it to thaw.

What do you call a bitch? A dumbass, hahahahaha.

Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.

Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.

Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.

Yo mama's hairline is so god damn far back even Joe Biden wouldn't sniff it.

Me, Joe Biden: What do you mean *snifff*

How do you beat Lady Gaga at Texas hold’em?

Poker face.

Your teeth are so out of line, even James Charles is straighter than them.

Like if you like porn.

What do you call a three humped camel?

A prostitute from New York.

What do you call a smart egg? An egghead.

That was an egg-cellent joke!

My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.

Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.

Dad: Hey, have you seen that new movie, "Constipation"?

Son: No.

Dad: It hasn't come out yet.

This is a Rickroll. The joke is that you thought you were going to get something else, but instead you got Rickrolled.

What happens when you cross a cow and a redneck?

The redneck fucks the cow.

Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!

Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?

Hey, I'm not forcing you to learn the Force.

Everyone is a gangster until Helen Keller hits a 3 on you.

I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!

Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?

Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!

What do you call an autistic kid going down the stairs in a wheelchair?

Hot Wheels!

How do you f**k a sheep?

Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.