Have you ever heard of hearing aids?
Yeah, me neither.
You Jokes
Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"
And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
What do you call a sleeping cow?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs?
Ground beef.
You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.
Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair?
If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.
What do you call Scooby Doo with a blunt in his mouth? Scooby Dooby.
What do you call a dipshit?
A Charlie.
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Kick the chair out from under them.
Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”
Son: “To the playground?”
Mom: “No, to the morgue.”
I'm jealous of the people who never met you.
Have you met Bofa?
Bofa deez blind kids!
Your skin's so bright you could be used as a highlighter.
What can you say about planes that you can say about stocks?
They both be flying??
Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?
Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.
Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.
I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...
Because you already look ugly.
I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.
"Bugger off!" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”