You jokes

You're so ugly the densest told you to lay face down.

If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.

If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.

Dad: Are you gay?

Kid: Yes.

10 days later.

Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.

Dad: I thought you were gay?

Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.

Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.

I saw one kid in a game. He went, "I love you, tree!" He was dumb as cant tell, sorry.

What do you call an emo kid standing outside the mall?

Anything, he'll cry no matter what you say.

Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.

What do you call a failure in another language?

Me.

If you're looking at this, then look behind you!

Where are your parents? Oh, behind you? Not any more.

What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.

Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?

Have you ever heard of sex? Because you just got fucked.

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."

What do you call a horny emo who practices self-control?

An edgelord.

You can't YEE your last HAW!

But I put my BALLS in ur JAW.

Random person: We are taking away your freedoms to keep you safe.

Hitla: That's exactly what I said.

You may have a footlong, but I have a SHENLONG. :)

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!

So there is someone who doesn't know what an armadillo is.

He then sees one. He asks it a question, "What are you?"

The armadillo replies, "Armadillo."

The person says: "What's a dilo?"

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What were your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.