You jokes

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

I was gonna tell you a great pun, but it's too cheesy.

What do you call a cow that's on the ground? Ground beef.

Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.

What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?

M.C. Grill

What do you call a rapper who LOVES space?

Snoop Star.

What do you call a rapper who can't swim?

A FLOATER!

What do you call a rapper who's also a PILOT?

Fly Guy

What do you call autistic people with guns? Special forces.

What do you call gun ammunition made out of human babies?

Project-childs.

(Projectiles)

What do dicks and Rubik's Cubes have in common?

The more you play with them, the harder they get.

Really feeling suicidal is basically having a mental breakdown, but realizing you have nothing nice and sharp to use.

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?

Chelsea Clinton.

How do you get a trans woman to commit suicide?

Use he/him pronouns on him.

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?

"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: Why?

Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.

Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.

Man: Why?

Kid: I'm an orphan.

Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!

(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

What do you call a gay person in Antarctica?

Bi-Polar.

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!