You jokes

Welcome to politics: You lie to fight and fight to lie.

People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.

A man walked into a bar and said, "What do you call a cum shot?"

The people running the bar said, "I don't know, nut."

The guy said, "Are you calling me a nut?"

Let's see what the orphans are gonna tell their parents about this: "Hey you buttheads, you stink!"

Looks like they didn't tell their parents.

What do you call a riot full of white people?

An avalanche.

Tork Poettschke says to Charles Bukowski: "You have beautiful teeth! Are they also available in white?"

Did you know there's a brand of coffee specifically for pedophiles?

It's called the Ep-bean.

What do you call a kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.

What do you call a cold Explain bear?

A brrr.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead.

I’m such a fool.

Why did I fall for you?

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

You know how 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9?

Well, how do you think 10 feels being in the middle of 9 11?

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

"Say what you want about the deaf."

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

What do you call a Japanese car thief?

Tommy took a motor.

Explain Bear, I want to kiss you.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.