You jokes

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys.

Thank you, Jesus, for creating holy water!

The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.

Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.

I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.

I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"

When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.

"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."

"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"

Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.