Hey Siri, where is my dad?
Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!
Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
...WhAT-
You Jokes
If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.
If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.
If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.
How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
What do you call an emo friend group?
The Suicide Squad.
Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?
Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.
You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."
Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?
Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck her hahaha 🤣
He’s so short no one can see you very close by.
You're so ugly, even the Twin Towers got a better upgrade than you!
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
But wait, what family? He never had one.
Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!
Guy: Do you know how to draw woman's rights?
Girl: No, how?
Guy: All you need is a blank paper and reality.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultrygeist!
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower?...
"Catch you later!"
Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?
Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A milkshake.
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.
In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"
The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."
In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"
The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."
In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"
The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."
Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"
