You Jokes

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

How can you tell an Asian guy is awake?

You can never tell.

If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)

What do you say when your pet pig gets lost?

This is a pig problem!

"There is no way you can fit in there."

"Says who?"

"Your mom."

"When?"

"Last night."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

If you ever thought you were gay, remember that cockroaches exist.

Is it sexual harassment if a midget walks by you and tells you that your hair smells nice?

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Did you know about the guy who invented knock knock jokes?

He won the no-Bell prize.

What's the same with shoes and slaves?

When they get loose, you tie them up.

How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"

Wow, you did 10 chin-ups? Was it 1 for each chin?

A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"

How are you and an orphan similar?

Both of your fathers are invisible.

Do you play COC?

Because it’s a pretty good game.

You realize we are tolerating you, right?

Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?

Because you can't see in the dark.

My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

Q: How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

A: You give them a Sandy Hook.