Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
Q: How do you know if a gang of Chinese people robbed your house?
A: All the rice is gone.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
What do you call an autistic My Little Pony?
Twilight Special.
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
Welcome to Peyton's Orphanage, where you make it, we take it!
Did you know that the letter "f" in "orphan" stands for family?
(DOORS)
What door is the first door that opens for you?
The elevator to go to the game.
You know why I only date disabled people? Cause they can't get away.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.
Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."
What do you call a terrorist swimming?
A bath bomb!
What do you call a kid with a special sense of humor? Autism, hahaha!
When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.
My sister.
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
Me: Hey, were you born on a highway?
My enemy: Uh, no, why?
Me: Because that’s where most accidents happen.
