You jokes
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat?
Skip.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter; it ain’t coming to you.
Why do you think China should have a baseball team?
They can destroy the entire world with a single bat.
How do you blind an Asian?
Put a windshield in front of them.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.